If a beginning was so direct, the end would be crystal clear. I am glad we started with hesitation and clouds of questions. And if tiring my voice out to pronounce my heartbeat for you is going to silence us, then I am going to love you just enough.
Instead of giving you the sun or no rays at all, I am just going to give you me as I am. Instead of giving you all of me or none at all, I am just going to give you the parts of me that I would declare yours.
Too much and too little could be harmful. Let's just love.
I hate complexity. Let's just stroll around the town holding hands as we thank the sky for not raining and come home to our favorite instant noodles. I hate perfection. Let's have little fights and arguments where we'd have a make-up kiss after.
"Your restless heart needs a break." you said. At first I didn't care, but now I know you were right. You always see everything in me that I do not; how you notice this one habit of mine when I bite my lower lip every time I am anxious, or the way you always drive me home each time my favorite TV show will air.
"And to do that, you don't need to stop loving," you continued, "Because I know you'll never be able to stop doing what you do best. Stay in love, stay with me, but do it enough. Not more. Not less. Just enough." And by saying that, you only made me fall in love with you all over again.
Instead of dancing under the rain and getting drenched after, let's just dance in our kitchen where we'll get hurt after hitting the corner of the pantry table. We both know how our love grew in our home. So if a flowery path seems too far away, let's just walk around our neighborhood for a convenient store ice cream date.
Stealing the moon would be impossible for us yet you've been craving for it so badly — then let me draw one for you. I'll paint it with my whole heart on a regular-sized canvas and hang it on our bedroom door. It'll be even more impossible for me to give you the world, but I'll make us grow so fondly to each other so that when you hold my hand, you are going to feel like you got the whole universe in our grip.
It would be too cruel for me not to let you taste a bite of exhaust and sore body, but I would prepare a warm cup of tea and massage your shoulders each time you do. Closing you off from all the demons in this world would be impossible as there are too many, but I promise you won't fight against them alone.
I want us to exist as we are. Not exaggerated nor understated, let's just be. Tiring our hearts out would be too painful, let's just hold on and keep the waves coming over to brush us close.
